“Does Forgiving Mean Letting Them Off the Hook?

That thought has crossed my mind more times than I can count—“Does forgiving mean letting them off the hook.” Even though I know that’s not how forgiveness works, I’ve still found myself wrestling with it throughout my walk with God.

Does forgiving mean letting them off the hook? It can feel that way—like releasing someone from the weight of their offense also means releasing them from accountability. But that’s not how God’s forgiveness works, and it’s not what He asks of us.

There have been situations where I’ve truly forgiven people—fully, deeply, and with peace. But if I’m being honest… there’s this one person I just can’t seem to forgive all the way. A small part of me clings to the offense, as if withholding forgiveness is my version of justice. My way of punishing them.

But the truth is—unforgiveness doesn’t punish the other person. It punishes us.

For a long time, I kept asking God: Why? Why can’t I let this go? I’ve forgiven so many others—why not this person?

Silence was all I seemed to get in response. Until recently.

What God revealed to me hit deeper than I expected. He showed me that I wasn’t just trying to punish someone else—I was punishing myself. Somewhere along the line, I started believing I didn’t deserve to forgive or be forgiven.

As a child, I was often punished for small things—like not finishing my food or forgetting to make my bed. I also heard phrases like “God’s going to punish you” tossed around casually. Those words shaped my young mind to believe that anything wrong or imperfect made me bad. So when I actually did mess up, I became incredibly hard on myself—harsh, unforgiving, and full of guilt.

But here’s the thing: Scripture tells us that forgiveness—both giving and receiving—is at the heart of the gospel. We can’t “make up” for our sin, no matter how hard we try. God’s wrath for it has already been poured out—on Jesus. He took it all.

So when we cling to guilt, shame, or self-punishment, we’re not just hurting ourselves—we’re denying the finished work of Christ.

God’s forgiveness is relational, not transactional. He’s not keeping score. His grace isn’t earned—it’s given freely. And when we receive that grace for ourselves, it empowers us to extend it to others—even those who may not “deserve” it in our eyes.

No, forgiving someone doesn’t mean they’re off the hook—it means we’re taking them off our hook and placing them into God’s hands. His justice is perfect, and the Bible reminds us of this truth:

“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

Romans 12:19 – BibleGateway (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+12%3A19&version=NIV))

I’m still learning. Still growing. But every day, my prayer is this:

Lord, help me live in the freedom You’ve already given me. Teach me to forgive the way You do—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.